Friday is finally here. It has been a week filled with projects, papers, and getting back in to the swing of things. It's rather sad, but I've been counting down to my school's fall break since Monday. Too bad there are still 27 days to go before then....
Yesterday morning I got into a 'mood' I couldn't quite get myself out of. I was compliaining about being bored, and then I was complaining about being too busy, and then I was complaining about the weather... and it seemed as though I could complain about nearly anything that contradicted something else. I've learned that I have these 'moods' when I need a new project. Although I am in school, and it is my last fall semester of school, I feel like I need something on the side so when weekends come and I don't have a lot of work, or when days come when I actually don't have homework, I have something to work on.
Unfortunately my latest writing projects don't seem to do the trick, because I'm having a sort of writer's block. Scrapbooking doesn't take as much creativity as it once did, and other little things don't take up enough time. I have books to read, devotionals to do, exercising to accomplish... and I do read and do the devotionals and exercise, but then I'm stuck sitting waiting for something else to come up. Waiting for someone to call or some opportunity that enables me to get out of the house.
This morning Clark and I went for a walk, which was absolutely wonderful. The morning air was brisk and the sun's light was trickling through the trees... it made me realize that my dad was right when he said I was going to miss this place once I graduate. I don't know if this will be our last autumn here or if we still have one more, but I can tell you that I intend on taking full advantage of it this year just in case.
Anyway, while we were on this walk I started thinking about yesterday morning, and all the other days that I've had like it. I started wondering if maybe I get bored, or maybe I get frustrated, because I've been trying so hard to be this care free, artistic Christian and that's not who I am. I'm not so care free. I worry about almost absolutely everything, but I try to keep it to myself. I'm artistic, or I like to think so, but there are certain points where I'm not as artistic as I want to be, and so I pretend to be. I don't know if that makes much sense. What I mean is, I try to be like Alice, Jane (Austen), Belle (Beauty & The Beast), Kit (Witch of Black Bird Pond), and all these other people and characters and real people that I admire, instead of focusing on finding out who I am and being myself. I will say, since I didn't address it, that the Christian girl is the one thing that sticks regardless.
I'm sure everyone goes through a time where they question who they really are. Whether it's late in life or early, everyone goes through at least one self transformation. I'm just waiting to turn into the butterfly and get it over with already ;).
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