Almost Alice.

Yesterday afternoon/ evening I probably had the most eye opening, wonderful time I've had in so very long. I got together with one of my dearest friends, Nikki, and we talked for hours and hours about insecurities, the future, and so much more. She was completely understanding of my situation and made all of these suggestions of things I could do... and it was just inspriring, to say the least.

So, today I got up early with every intention of getting things done. As I started on personal projects, however, they took over me accomplishing anything that was actually on my to-do list. I have successfully made an absolute disaster out of my writing room, instead of cleaning/organizing it, and I haven't done any homework. I also haven't gone to the store, started laundry, exercised, showered... all those things that are definitely supposed to have been accomplished by this point in the day.

I find myself staring around this room trying to figure out how exactly I want it set up. I am suddenly faced with the opportunity to make a room completely my own and not worry about how it's presented for guests or where Clark's stuff is going to fit, and yet I'm worrying about exactly those things. For example, Clark said we could get rid of our cheap-o desk since he built me my very own and we don't have the internet connected anymore (we just get it through my phone). I then started wondering where we were going to keep things that are filed in the desk, where Clark was going to keep his school books, and all of that stuff. I then started thinking about where visitors are going to sleep when we have them if no one but me is supposed to be in this room (at least, for an extended period of time). Then I started thinking about everything I wanted for the room....

I've come to the conclusion that having something completely to myself is entirely too difficult. I almost can't bring myself to do anything more today because I'm so frustrated with the idea of making this room positively perfect. It's like whenever I have a project I get completely obsessive... but that only happens with school if the project is remotely interesting. I just feel like I have all this extra energy lately and all I want to do is use it to work on myself. I know that's bad, considering school just started, but I can't help it. Not to worry. None of my school work is suffering. I'm too paranoid to let that happen... but it just doesn't always happen when it should.

OK, I'm going to go take a breather and hopefully truly catch up on some reading for Early American Literature and scan copies of The Plaza Suite for the two people who I'm doing a scene with in Oral Interpretation.

As for my title, I feel like I'm almost myself again.