The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things.

School has been in session, for me, for a little over a week. Thus far I've had two and a half projects, three papers, one audition, and over 200 pages of reading (and that was in just one night). I don't know how, or sometimes even why, we all go through this obscene torcher... but none the less here I am and here we are. At least, for me, it is my senior year of college. I suppose that means grad school is next, considering I am an English, Creative Writing major with a Theatre minor. Still, as of right now I'm viewing this as my last year so that I may be even more motivated to kick school in the butt, excuse the lame expression.

My husband and I have been talking a great deal about the future. We've had dream talks, job talks, baby talks, moving talks, money talks... the works. It seems that lately all we can do is think about the year after this one, because this one is only a stepping stone. Perhaps it is not a good thing, us focusing so much on the future and not so much on the right now, but I think we're just so excited about it all that we can't help ourselves. We have, you see, been "stuck," for lack of a better world, as married college students for almost three years now. Once I graduate, and the once he graduates, we will finally just be married adults. Being married college students almost has a bad connotation. It seems that everyone either assumed you have kids or you are pregnant, which is the reason you got married. Obviously, with us, that is not the case and was never the case to begin with.

We have discovered that each of us needs to do something we are incredibly proud of before we have children. For my husband, that means climbing one of the seven summits. No, not exactly the safest thing, but I support him 100% because it is what he wants to do. With me, it's to get something published. Unfortunately mine is a bit more unlikely than his is, which doesn't seem very fair or possible. Since when is it more likely that you'll summit a mountain than publish a book? Well, that's the world we live in. If not publish something, than at least write something that I am completely sure and proud of. That is all I want. Both of our goals are very challenging and demanding, but we are learning how to balance those things and come together happier than ever. Why? Because we finally realized that we cannot give up everything because we got married young, and we must do some things that we let slip before we have kids-- otherwise they will be regrets. That is more so a discovery for him than me, because I can always write, but I know somewhere deep inside me there is something else I want to do because I always feel it... unfortunately I cannot put my finger on it as of now.

Right now I'm at a breaking point. No, not in a bad way. I mean I'm at a point in my life where it's time to break certain ties, break certain fears, break certain insecurities, and move forward. I think it's one of the hardest thing anyone ever does, because no one wants to let go of certain things. There are friends who I am constantly trying to keep in touch with, but it seems to me that sometimes it's better to just let go and let everyone move forward. Sometimes, people go in different directions. I don't want to let go of my fear of being alone, but I must come to the realization that I am not alone. I have a wonderful husband, wonderful family, wonderful friends, and my animals, if no one else. I don't want to let go of my overall insecurity with myself. The idea that everything I do isn't quite up to par of where it should be, but I'm working on that. We are all entering a breaking point, no matter our age, because everyone is constantly at a breaking point-- even if everyone does not realize it.

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax; of cabbages and kings. Well, not exactly.