Instead of yesterday being entirely dedicated to homework, it ended up being dedicated to wsatching Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. It seems that Anne needed to give me some advice, or perhaps the advice came from Gil. Either way, once again, I had a day where I sat around and did things only for myself, entirely ignoring homework. Not to worry... today is that day (after church) where I am determined to get a lot done. After all, if I don't do it today, it shall never get done.
Clark worked yesterday from 12pm to 8pm, which means he was gone from 10:30 am to 9:45pm. I accomplished nothing, but at the same time I accomplished a great deal. I took a bath, colored, read... I did all these things that I've been saying I have no time to do. Today, however, I'm at crunch time.
Clark and I went to an early service today due to work scheduling once again, but I've already done some homework and intend to use the rest of the day wisely, as well. It seems that most of the time when I get a surge of motivation I tend to use it to do things that aren't necessarily priorities, when in fact I'm typically, or at least I didn't used to be, that type of person. So, today, I'm determined to be my "old self" and use my time wisely and do my homework and feel accomplished. I have a very long to-do list and I don't intend to let myself down.
I feel like I haven't been true to myself since Clark went to bootcamp. I know that's a very long period of time, but I feel like since then I've had this bitterness that I haven't been able to get rid of. It's not entirely because of Clark leaving, but the fact that so many people left when he did, figuratively speaking. I lost quite a few friends when Clark left, and though that should show me they weren't true friends to begin with, all it did was make me bitter. Since then I feel like I've kept myself from fully connecting with new people, and even people who stayed in my life while he was gone. I feel like I've had this "better than thou" idea, and just stuck to it to keep myself from getting hurt or being disappointed.
Well, not anymore.
I don't like not being myself. While I've stayed the same, as far as I can tell, with family and others who are like family, I feel like it's time I stop hiding in my shell and step out into the spotlight again. I hate being quiet and timid in clas because I'm afraid of what people think... I hate being that way in general. I think people today care way too much what other people think. I'm so tired of having to live by other peoples' rules when God's rules are so much more important. I want to live freely in Christ, and I feel like I've been so focused on society and what stupid people think that I've kept myself from doing that.
So, hello world. I'M BACK!
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